So there I was attempting to enjoy a cappuccinolattemoccacoffee at the Landmark in Marylebone. I say ‘attempting’ because the ordering process was a little arduous and left me somewhat flustered. The Landmark is a great venue for off-site casual business meetings and the breakfast and mezzanine areas were being used extensively for exactly that purpose when I arrived to meet clients. The waitress arrived promptly and I asked for coffee. Not unreasonable, surely? I’m in business. I’m having a business meeting with other business people to talk about business things in a businesslike manner so I’d like some business coffee. Please. Well, no. There followed an elaborate and extensive coffee selection process that left me confused and feeling a bit like an arse in front of clients who were smiling smugly as they had clearly just been through the same ordeal prior to my arrival. I explained that I didn’t speak Starbucks and could I please just have some coffee?

I can’t even begin to describe the horror of the cappuccinolattemoccacoffee that arrived just as I was launching into the crux of the meeting subject. I like to think I’m in touch with my feminine side in a sensitive caring way, but this coffee was gay. No offence intended – but there’s no other adequate word. It was presented in a fluted pilsner-type glass with a wire frame and impossible to hold handle. The whole world could see the two-thirds milky coffee topped with one-third whippofroth and sprinkled with chocolate hundreds and thousands. If they’d stuck a bleedin’ parasol in it I’d have stood up and left. Coffee – in a glass. With sprinkles.

I scanned the room in alarm to see who might be watching and realised that there was a room full of business people all struggling to come to terms with the same refreshment dilemma – drink it and look like a twat, or pretend it isn’t yours.

The Landmark was trying to be different. It succeeded. But perhaps it had lost sight of the needs of its business audience. Differentiation can be good – but context is everything. Learning when to step over the line and how far are salutary lessons. He said as he lifted his glass, stuck out his little pinkie and wiped the chocolate froth from his chin.